In the previous post (here), we talked about how to phrase our questions to avoid sounding like we are interrogating instead of trying to engage in a two-way discussion. We came to the conclusion that women turn defensive when their ideas are ‘challenged’ by their husbands because they feel inferior. They want their ideas to be taken seriously and not brushed aside just because they are women. As to why they feel inferior and need to prove that they are as capable, if not, better than men in decision making is another point for discussion. There is also another view where they feel superior to men and that men are not as capable as them in decision making and thus, the opposite happens where they look down and reject our opinions. This shall be explored later on.
Here, we will look at another scenario where they can get upset when their husband holds an opposing view and it has nothing to do with the idea of being ‘challenged’.
Let’s dissect two scenarios. Take for example when deciding to buy a king-sized or a queen-sized bed. The wife wants to get a king-sized bed but the husband feels that it is too big for the room and voices his concerns and a second scenario would be where she wants to buy more pillows but her husband feels that they don’t need any more pillows.
In the first scenario, the wife might feel that the husband looks down on her decision, thinking that she did not consider the measurements of the bed and room and therefore, gets upset and angry while in the second scenario, it does not involve any intellectual thinking process such as measurements, however, she still ends up being upset.
The first scenario is what we have talked about in the previous blog post while the second scenario is an example of where women get upset just because they do not get what they want. There is no remedy for this and no amount of discussion will make them reconsider their position except that she gets those pillows. The good news is that the damage is not as great as the first case where she feels that the husband does not respect her decision and feels that her opinions are not taken into considerations just because she is a woman. So, this time, it is wise to just give in or face the silent treatment.